


The Ghost of You, It Keeps Me Awake

by arrow_ofa_quiver



Category: ITZY (Band), NCT (Band), NiziU (Band), Original Work, Stray Kids (Band), TWICE (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bang Chan Needs A Hug, Character Death, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Lee Felix Needs a Hug (Stray Kids), M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Mentions of Cancer, Sad Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Sad with a Happy Ending, Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids), gets really angsty im sorry, mentions of depression, mentions of mental health issues, no beta we die like men, or nonbinary/gender nonconforming pals, or women, please read the tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28122144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrow_ofa_quiver/pseuds/arrow_ofa_quiver
Summary: Losing love is hard, but the road to recovery is impossibly harder. Felix only realises this when he's fallen further than he should have.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Min Yoongi | Suga, Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin, Lee Chaeryeong/Shin Ryujin, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) & Everyone, Myoui Mina/Son Chaeyoung
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	1. IMPORTANT INFORMATION

This is just a basic information page for the fic! Thank you for choosing to read this, it's my first Kpop fic I've ever written in full so I hope you enjoy!

Updates will be random and sporadic because I am a student but also a homebody and have no sense of priority lol!

There is some triggering content in this fic, including:

~ Cancer

~ Depression

~ Anxiety

~ Coping with Loss

~ Briefly mentioned EDs 

~ Death

If any of these make you feel uncomfortable I would recommend not reading this fic. I hope you enjoy it!

From the author-nim! <3


	3. Undone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix is at rock bottom; his hyungs try to help him up again.

**Late September 2023:**

‘Felix,’ Changbin walked into the dark apartment, ‘You up?’ He walked through to the younger member’s bedroom, where it seemed the boy was awake, judging from the amount of crying. He walked in and instantly wrapped his arms around the shaking figure.

‘Hey Lix, it’s me. I’ve got you,’ he stroked the long overgrown hair on the younger’s head as he turned to sob into his chest.

‘Binnie… I need him… I need Channie so bad… I’m so lost without him… without everyone,’ Felix was bawling as his limbs wrapped around his hyung.

‘I know. Let’s get you to the couch, get you out of here,’ Changbin picked him up, carrying the severely underweight boy to the worn sofa, continuing to comfort him. They sat in silence, just Felix’s hiccups and Changbin’s soft murmuring audible.

‘They asked about you yesterday. Jeongin and Seungmin asked me if you were doing okay,’ the elder said softly, ‘I told them you were coping as well as you could.’

‘I just… I want him back…’ Felix said, sniffling, ‘Why did he have to go?’

‘I don’t know Lix… Even if we could’ve done anything, I’m not sure it would have worked,’ Changbin replied, ‘Cancer is a sick bitch.’

‘I wish we didn’t disband… I… I just couldn’t take being there without him… I miss him,’ Felix hiccupped, ‘He kept me safe, he made me happy.’

‘Lix, you haven’t been taking your meds, have you?’ the elder kissed the top of his head, ‘When was the last time you ate?’

‘A few days ago. I ran out of meds last week. Couldn’t leave to get more. I’ve been drinking water though,’ he replied, ‘I just couldn’t do it. Not when it reminds me of him.’

‘Aegi, you need to eat. Come on, let’s get you showered and dressed,’ Changbin carried him to the bathroom, ‘Can you do it by yourself?’

‘Just help with my hair?’ Felix asked, ‘Chan… he would always help me when I felt bad, and he would always make sure I took care of it. I can’t let him down like this.’

‘Alright, lix. Do you wanna make a list of things you want to do whilst we go out as well? There’s a lot of things we can get done,’ Changbin started to help Felix get undressed, keeping his eyes looking at the younger boys innocent brown ones. They got the water to a decent temperature before getting Felix under the water.

‘I’m sick of looking at myself in the mirror and seeing something that I hate, but I… I can’t get better without him,’ Felix said quietly, ‘I want to get better… but I can’t…’

‘Lix, we’ll get you there. I promise,’ Changbin started to wash his friend’s hair, washing away some of the pain of the past week. Felix felt it all drain from inside him, and he was able to relax. They continued to talk idly, as Changbin helped Felix relax. Once he was clean and grime-free, Changbin helped get him into some clothes, all of them loose on the younger man.

‘Aegi, we’re just going to put on a jumper and some jeans. We need to get you some new clothes because you’re too skinny for a lot of these,’ he said softly, ‘Do you have any tighter pants?’

‘I don’t think so. Maybe I have a belt. I… maybe I shouldn’t go out with you,’ he said softly.

‘Can I let Jisung come here then? He was going to try to meet with us,’ Changbin said softly, ‘Or maybe Minho, or Hyunjin, or Seungmin or Jeongin?’

‘I… I would love to see them… but I don’t think they would want to see me after everything I’ve done to them,’ Felix was shushed softly.

‘They all want to see you. Everyone does. I know some of them re-debuted in another group, but they all have free schedules today. Do you want them to come over?’

‘Yeah. It’s really messy here though. I wanna go to sleep again,’ Felix’s mind was getting confused until Changbin wrapped a blanket around him.

‘You can have some rest until they come. I’ll tidy up for you. Don’t worry. Try and sleep, I’ll tell the others to come, and we can watch a movie or something,’ the elder smiled as he tucked Felix into his bed, ‘How long has it been since you slept?’

‘A week. Every time I close my eyes, I see his face. It’s been 8 months, but I still can’t deal with it,’ he sighed.

‘Aegi, it’s okay. All of the boys are still dealing too. Minho especially. We’re all struggling,’ changbin ruffled his overgrown locks, ‘I’ll make some jjajangmyeon for us, or tteokkbokki, or maybe those disastrous pancakes?’

‘Soy ramen. I need something easy. If I eat too much I’ll be sick,’ Felix said quietly. The elder sighed and lay next to him.

‘I’ll stay in here whilst I call them, whilst you get some rest. I’m not leaving you alone today, unless you need to pee,’ he said, ‘We need to get you back on track Lix. I know how hard it is but you’ve gotta push. Aegi, you are strong, and we’ll make it th-‘ Changbin was cut off by his phone ringing. He picked it up without looking at the caller ID.

‘Hello?’ He asked.

‘Hyung, we’re all here outside the apartment, you wanna let us in? I’ve got lots of different food in case Felix is up for eating,’ Jisung answered through the phone.

‘Wait… How did you know to come here?’ Changbin asked confusedly.

‘I knew Lix wouldn’t want to come out. Luckily, I got everyone to come here. So come on, open up,’ Jisung hung up the call and Changbin sighed.

‘They’re already here Lix. You wanna stay here for a bit, or do you wanna go out into the lounge?’ He asked.

‘Stay here. Send them in here though, only a few at a time though,’ Felix answered, ‘Maybe Jisung and Minho first. I need to apologise for letting everyone down.’

‘You don’t need to apologise. I’ll go and get them,’ Changbin pressed a small kiss to the top of the younger’s head before going and unlocking the apartment door for the other members. Jisung smiled sadly before hugging his hyung tightly.

‘I missed you too Sungie. You and Minho Hyung go in first, he wants to talk to you guys first. Just don’t let him apologise, it’s getting worse again,’ Changbin warned, before leading the others to the lounge with the food. Jisung and Minho walked into Felix’s room cautiously, before seeing him curled up underneath the covers of the bed. Jisung sat by him and stroked his hair, Minho sitting on the other side of the boy, adjusting him to rest on his lap.

‘Hey hyungs,’ Felix said quietly.

‘Hey Lixie, how’re you feeling today?’ Minho asked, softly braiding a small part of his hair.

‘Worse… I’m sorry I made us all disband,’ the youngest of the trio answered quietly. Jisung sighed and shook his head.

‘Don’t be sorry Yongbokie. No apologising. I don’t think any of us wanted to go on without Channie, you shouldn’t apologise for it. You were doing so well, what triggered it?’ He asked.

‘I don’t know… I think it has to do with his birthday being next week. I haven’t been able to sleep in a week, haven’t eaten in three days… I… I need him back,’ Felix’s voice started to shake. Minho softly kissed his forehead, continuing to softly play with his hair.

‘I know jagi, I know. It’s really hard without Channie Hyung. It’s hard to live without a partner, I couldn’t imagine having to live if Jisung died. Just remember, he isn’t in pain anymore. He’s resting, and he’s watching down on you,’ he said softly, ‘He’s always here, just not in person anymore.’

‘Minho is right,’ Jisung said, ‘Yongbokie, you need to look after yourself, even when it’s hard to keep going. Can you give me a number, one to ten of how bad it hurts mentally? And if it hurts physically too?’

‘eight. And heartache. And cramping pains,’ Felix admitted, ’thoughts are getting worse.’

‘Let’s go see the others then, and we’ll get rid of them. We can get you some medicine for the cramping pains, and you can have a heat pack and some soy ramen. We picked some up because we know you love it when you aren’t feeling well,’ Minho said softly, ‘You can stay in your burrito form, I’ll carry you.’ He sat Felix up and gathered the blanket so it wrapped around him, before picking him up like a baby, carrying him into the lounge room of the apartment, where everyone else was waiting, the food sorted on the coffee table. Minho settled Felix into the corner seat of the sofa, before grabbing a container of soy ramen and chopsticks. He picked up a suitable amount with a spoon and smiled.

‘Open up Jagi,’ he said softly, putting the noodle soup up to his mouth. Felix ate it slowly, as Seungmin came up to him, sitting on his other side.

‘Is sunshine-hyungie sad?’ He asked cutely.

‘Hyung is always sad. Nothing happy anymore,’ Felix replied after he finished his mouthful, ’No sunshine anymore Seungmin. Only rainclouds.’

‘Felix, don’t talk like that,’ Hyunjin said softly, ‘You’ll find your sunshine again.’

‘My sunshine died Hyunjin. He isn’t coming back,’ Felix started getting emotional and tried to shove everyone away from him. He had become so snappish and had lost the ability to control his emotions. Jeongin crouched in front of Felix and took his hands.

‘Haengbokkie, take a deep breath,’ he tried to get through to the elder, who was trembling in anger and fear, but the attempt remained unfruitful. Felix stood up from the sofa and ran out of the area, back to his room, slamming the door shut. Changbin sighed in defeat.

‘I’m sorry. He said he was going to be okay if you came around, but he’s stopped functioning. Seungie, baby, you can come with me, help me get him sitting up and eating. Minho hyung, can you please get some medicine from the bathroom and a heat pack?’ Changbin started to list off instructions, ‘Hyunjin, it’s not your fault. Don’t worry; it’s just a really bad day for him. Jeongin, you and Jisung start setting up a blanket fort, there are lots of extra ones in the linen cupboard just down the hall.’ He ran after Lix, Jeongin following behind with the noodles. Felix was pushed up against his bedhead, gripping his sheets tightly.

‘Lix, aegi, it’s just me and Seungminnie,’ Changbin said softly, ‘just close your eyes aegi. We can look after you,’ The younger nodded and shut his eyes, ‘I’m going to slowly move you away from the bedhead, and you can lean against me. I’ll help you relax and Seungminnie will help feed you the soy ramen.’ Changbin lifted him and moved him forward before sitting behind him, pulling his hair back off his face. Seungmin smiled softly and gave his hyung a mouthful of ramen, wiping the corners of his mouth. Changbin just combed Felix’s hair, and continually braided it and unbraided it. The second-youngest finished feeding his Hyung before wiping his face and kissing his forehead.

‘Hyungie, it’s hard, we know. You wanna try with everyone else again?’ Seungmin smiled softly, and let out a giggle when Felix nodded tiredly. Changbin tied back the younger’s hair, and picked him up, carrying him to the blanket fort. They had set up a studio Ghibli marathon on Netflix, and all of them were bundled up. Felix chose to snuggle into Minho and Jisung’s laps, letting his September twin play with his hair. The group ended up in one big cuddle pile as the movies played. Empty food containers littered the coffee table and many of them had fallen asleep. Looking at them, Felix knew he could get better with their help.

But that was something to start tomorrow.


	4. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read this chapter, I just want to say that this is in no way a reflection on my opinions of the Stray Kids members. I love them all to pieces, but in this story, I wanted to slightly project myself and my emotions on Felix. I lost a very close family friend to what is mentioned in the story a few years ago, and have only come to terms with it a long while later. This story was written to help me come to terms with it all. Thank you so much for reading!

**December 2020**

Chan had been out all day, which was very surprising to most of the members. He hadn’t been at the studio, or in the practice rooms, or with any of the members. Felix waited for his soulmate to walk through the doors in the lounge, nervous about what Chan was up to. Eventually, there was the creaking noise of the door opening, and one of the group’s managers walked in, a very intoxicated Chan on his back. Felix ran up to him and looked at Chan, concerned about what would possess him to drink that much.

‘Manager-nim, what happened?’ He asked in a hushed tone.

‘He… It’s not really my place to say, Felix. But Chan got some news, and he tried to escape it, which meant he went and drunk a lot. The person at the bar he hid in called me after recognising Chan. He’s lucky no one else recognised him,’ the manager replied, ‘Let’s get him into bed, and he can talk to you in the morning.’ Felix nodded and helped prepare a hangover kit for his leader and boyfriend. Their manager helped to hold Chan upright as Felix helped get him into some more comfortable clothes. Chan mumbled something unintelligible before passing out. Felix helped to guide the manager out, and fell asleep against his partner, hoping Chan would be able to find comfort in him after his news.

~~~

‘Argh,’ Felix woke to his boyfriend’s groaning and tried to nuzzle into his back as a form of comfort. Chan felt the younger’s movement behind him and tried to turn over.

‘Morning angel,’ the younger said softly, ‘You probably have a killer hangover, so there is some Tylenol and water on your bedside table. After that, you’ve got some explaining to do.’

‘I love you,’ Chan mumbled, before pecking Felix’s lips. He sat up and took the medicine before laying down, curling around Felix softly.

‘I want you to be comfortable before I tell you about what happened,’ he said softly, ‘I just want you to know that I love you more than anything.’ Felix started to get nervous.

‘Channie, love, you’re scaring me. What happened?’ He asked softly.

‘I’m really sick,’ the elder answered honestly, ‘I was at the hospital for most of the morning. They told me I’ve got chronic myeloid leukaemia. I… I was so scared and terrified, but I also wanted to grieve. This is going to impact the group really badly. So I went to try and drink away the pain. I realise now that it wasn’t okay.’ Felix was shocked and slowly hugged him, becoming a koala. The elder hugged his partner back and felt the hot tears falling onto his shoulder.

‘Why? Why did this happen?’ Felix started sobbing. Chan just shook his head and held Felix tightly.

‘I don’t know baby. I don’t know. I just wanted you to be the first to know. Manager Hyung knows, but that is it. I haven’t even told my parents. I don’t- I can’t comprehend it,’ the elder said softly, ‘I’m going to be starting chemotherapy soon. Which means I will have to take a hiatus. I want Changbin to lead, but I also want you to help him. I’ll still be producing, but if I’m performing, I won’t be able to dance for a while.’

‘Chan, can we go tell everyone, please? The group needs to know,’ the younger hiccupped, ‘They deserve to know.’

‘Yeah we can, but just let me cuddle you first. You need comfort right now, and so do I,’ Chan said softly, before kissing him softly. He ran his fingers through Felix’s hair, and played with it softly, ‘I love you so much Lix. My baby boy.’

‘I love you more Channie. My angel,’ Felix replied, ‘Let’s get you into some comfy clothes and then we’ll tell the others at breakfast.’ Chan nodded and climbed out of bed, Felix coming after him.

‘I can get dressed myself Lix. How about you go wash up, I don’t think you took off your makeup last night,’ Chan gave him a hug before pecking his cheek. Felix let out a wet giggle, before kissing him back, wrapping his arms around Chan’s neck loosely.

‘I’m gonna look after you. You tell me when you’re in pain, or when you need a break, and I’ll take care of you,’ he said softly, ‘I’m not letting you go.’

‘I know. I will,’ the elder replied, ‘Let’s go talk to the group. Maybe we can get some hot chocolate for everyone, and something comforting so we can make it as easy for them as possible.’ He ducked under Felix’s arms, before grabbing one of his standard black hoodies from the wardrobe. The younger stole one as well, loving being bundled up in the oversized clothes. Once both were dressed, they made their way into the kitchen, where Changbin and Hyunjin were loitering, neither person trusting themselves to make breakfast without burning it.

‘Morning Hyung, morning lix,’ Changbin greeted them, ‘You good?’

‘Just tired, couldn’t sleep last night,’ Felix lied, ‘We’re gonna make hot chocolates for everyone, can you get everyone up for a meeting in the lounge area?’

‘Yeah, sure,’ Hyunjin said softly, before leaving with Changbin to wake up everyone in the dorm. Chan made lots of hot chocolate whilst Felix grabbed spare blankets from the cupboard. As everyone gathered in the lounge, half-asleep and confused, the leader and his partner brought in all of the hot drinks. Each member took a mug, grateful to the Australians for the warm beverage. Once everyone had settled, Chan started to talk.

‘I know that I don’t normally call meetings like this, but I need to tell you guys something,’ he said. His hands started to shake, but Felix took them in his.

‘Take your time,’ he whispered softly, ‘It’s okay.’

‘I… I have… I’m sick. Like really sick,’ Chan managed to get out, ‘I have cancer.’ The group was shocked. Jeongin held onto Seungmin tightly, unable to process what his leader had just said.

‘This, you’re kidding, right?’ Jisung said angrily, ‘This is some elaborate joke you’ve got Felix in on, right?’

‘He’s not joking. Manager-nim was with him when he was told. He told me this morning. This isn’t a joke Hyung,’ Felix replied, ‘We are working on contingency plans. But right now, his diagnosis is looking treatable.’

‘Hyung… can I hug you?’ Jeongin asked, his eyes filling with tears. Chan nodded and opened his arms for the youngest member to rush into. He let him nuzzle into his shoulder as he combed through his hair to soothe him.

‘I’ll be okay, Innie. I promise,’ the leader whispered softly, ‘I’ll be okay.’ He could hear doors slam as Changbin had run off, followed closely by Minho. Jisung was still in disbelief, Seungmin had tears running down his cheeks as Felix padded over softly, wiping his cheeks free of the waterfalls.

‘Seungie, we’ll be okay. Channie Hyung promised me he would be okay, and he wouldn’t leave us,’ the (only just) elder said softly. Hyunjin had been silent but finally had to speak up.

‘What is going to happen now? You won’t be able to perform during treatment, and we have a comeback in a few months. Are you going to leave the group, or just go on hiatus? Who’s going to help lead? How are you going to tell stays?’ He said softly, not looking up.

‘I’m going to be starting chemo next month. I think I’m going to announce it over live in the next few days. I… I’m scared Hyunjinnie, but I have a plan. Changbin will be the leader whilst I am on hiatus. During performances, I won’t dance, but I will sing with you guys. I won’t be able to do hi-touch events, because chemo will make my immune system weak and I can’t afford to get sick. I will keep producing and doing everything I can. The doctor, he said I have a good shot at surviving because we caught it early.’

‘Hyung… do it today. Stays don’t deserve to wait,’ Jisung interjected, a venom laced underneath the words, ‘Don’t expect me to be home for the rest of the day.’ He stormed to his room, before grabbing a bag, mask, hat and his shoes, storming out of the dorm. Seungmin looked at the door that Jisung had run out of, almost longingly. Felix looked at his dongsaeng and nodded.

‘Go look after him Seungie. Make sure he’s safe,’ the Australian said, ‘Give him hugs and make sure he doesn’t overwork himself. It’s going to be a hard few weeks as we start processing and progressing.’ Seungmin nodded and ran to pull on some shoes, chasing after Jisung. Jeongin had settled onto Chan’s shoulder, tear tracks now dried onto his cheeks. Felix moved to Hyunjin, who was starting to rock back and forth, shaking.

‘Jinnie Hyung, Chan is going to be okay. He promised us. He never backs down from promises,’ the younger said, holding Hyunjin still, ‘It’s hard to process but we’ll get through it. Just breathe, try to breathe with me.’ Hyunjin shook his head, mouthing “Can’t”.

‘Yeah, you can. Just try with me, okay Jinnie?’ Felix took his hyung’s hand, and put it to his chest, before exaggerating his breathing, watching closely as Hyunjin’s breathing started to fall in time with his. Once Hyunjin had stopped panicking, he hugged his dongsaeng.

‘I… I’m going to go to bed… I want to sleep on this,’ he said quietly, ‘I’m sorry…’ Hyunjin stood up slowly, walking back to his room. Felix looked over to Chan before joining his hug.

‘We’re going to get through this,’ the younger said, ‘We’ll get through it together.’


	5. Transform

Normal timeline:

**5 months later**

‘You sure about this Lix?’ Changbin asked softly.

‘Just do it. I don’t want to go out and have a stranger do something I don’t want. I trust you enough to not fuck me over Binnie,’ Felix sighed, ‘I’m sick of it. I really am. I can barely look after myself, let alone this mop and I need to move on. It’s part of me getting better.’

‘What style do you want Lix? Like before?’ The elder questioned him.

‘No… I need to change… something to set me on the right track again. Just maybe cut the sides short and we’ll see from there,’ he replied. Changbin combed his fingers through Felix’s heavily overgrown locks, before grabbing two of the elastic bands that he had got out. He parted the younger’s hair in the way that he had suggested before tying up the side sections.

‘You ready?’ Changbin turned on the clippers in his hand and started cutting off the ponytails. Felix tensed at the noise but said nothing as Changbin handed him the ponytails. He felt his emotions welling up at the feeling of the clippers running over the sides of his hair. The elder worked quickly to remove to locks but became all too aware of the waterworks that fell down from Felix’s face.

‘Lix, eyes up. Come on, look at me,’ Changbin turned off the machine and crouched in front of him, wiping his eyes, ‘What’s wrong Aegi?’

‘I’m sorry. Last time I cut my hair… it was when Chan’s was falling out… When I cut it really short to make him feel normal,’ Felix hiccupped, ‘H-he held my hand, because I was scared of my ears sticking out. When… when he… you know… I was the last one to speak to him… all he said was how amazing I looked… and the last thing he did was run his hands through my hair and kiss me.’

‘You’re not sure whether you want to hold on or let go, are you aegi?’ Changbin said softly, ‘I think you need this, but you don’t want to lose your final memories with him. He would be so proud of you for doing this. Lix, he’s looking down from the stars and smiling at you. He would also ruffle your hair and tell you how it’s about damn time you sorted it out.’ The younger let out a wet giggle, remembering how Chan would cheer him up like this.

‘Just keep talking whilst you do it Binnie Hyung. That would help,’ Felix smiled through his tears, ‘You’re right. I’m just never able to word it.’

‘Aegi, drop the formality. No need to use it. You can call me Binnie or Hyungie, or whatever you want. I call you Aegi or Lix,’ Changbin smiled, before grabbing the scissors from the sink and starting to cut the top of his hair.

‘But you’re older than me. So you kinda have the right to call me whatever you want. But I’ve gotta respect you,’ Felix replied, ‘That’s how it works.’

‘But I break the rules. And so do you sometimes,’ Changbin kept slicing at the locks, styling them to look purposefully messy and ruffled. Once he had finished, he kept threading his hands through Felix’s hair, relaxing him. ‘You’re done Lix,’ he said softly, ‘You wanna take a look?’

Felix stood up carefully, looking in the mirror. ‘You did well. It looks good. I like it,’ he replied, ‘Thanks Hyungie.’

‘Have a quick shower and rinse off all the loose hairs, unless you wanna dye it?’ Changbin smiled softly, ruffling his hair.

‘Yeah. I wanna dye it. I… I talked to JYP and he’s letting me debut as a soloist,’ Felix said, ‘So I’m going to have control over how I look now. I kinda wanna bleach it again. Like when we did that OST for Tower of God. That colour was good.’

‘You… you’re debuting again?’ Changbin smiled proudly, ‘I’m so proud of you. Wait, let me produce your songs, I have perfect ideas. Are you going to have a new stage name? I’m so happy for you Aegi. You’ve come so far from a few months ago.’

‘I had you. You picked me up and helped me,’ Felix said, ’Now, you got that stuff for my hair?’

‘I think that might be a professional’s job. Do it just before your debut. Your dark hair looks really elegant when styled properly,’ the elder replied, ’Now, we need to set up your personal social media if you are going to debut soon.’

'Thank you Hyung. For helping me. The first thing I wanna do however is post the final post on the Stray kids page. I know we disbanded but I want to finally share the ending of my chapter,’ the younger smiled, ‘You all did your last post, it’s time for me to do mine.’


	6. Social Media 1

**RealStrayKids _:_** _Hello, this is Felix. It has been a long time. We disbanded a year ago. All of the members wrote their final messages before moving on, but I never wrote mine as I was blinded with grief. Christopher Bang, Bang Chan, Chan, Channie, Leader-nim, however, you called him, he was my soulmate. We had begun dating two years before he had to stop performing. When he passed, it took a heavy toll on me. I fell into bad habits, and it has taken over a year to get out of them. As all the members started to re-debut in new groups, or move on to new jobs and new opportunities, I was still holed up in eating disorders and mental disorders, in a room I couldn’t escape because of the memories that locked me there. My old members helped me up, and it has been a long journey, but I am now stable enough to start my new life, and give my final goodbye, to both my fans and to my soulmate._

_You have been the most supportive force in my life since I came into this industry. I hope you will continue to support me on my new endeavours as a soloist under JYP. I will be working with Changbin Hyung and Jisung Hyung to create music that shares stories I want my fans to hear, and I hope you enjoy it._

_And finally to Chan. My sunflower, who kept me smiling on days where I couldn’t. I will always miss you, but as you wrote from the lyrics of Levanter, ‘I’ve got to move on, I think it’s time.’ You will always be the only one to rule my heart, but you’ve been gone for so long, I need to move on. I’ll love you to the Milky Way and back, via Coles for some timtams._

_Step out! Stray kids Felix, over and out, for the final time._

_#Felix #Leeyongbok #Sunshine #Bangchan #wolf #Chanlix #goodbyestays #stepout #levanter_

[ _skzfan2020_ : Yongbok-ah we love you! We’ll support you! Fighting!

[ _Felixs.sunshine.smile_ : Chanlix will always be strong! Stays all love you! We’ll be there for you all the way!

[ _chanlix_heartbeats_ : We missed you Felix! Stay strong! You will be an amazing soloist!

[ _itzy.all.in.us_ : 예지 \- 사랑해 용복용복이! We’ll see you soon!


End file.
